I’m a Gay Father: A Child’s Hero and Society’s Villain
Meet three fathers: Peter Jacobs, Simon Alden, and Paul Stuart. These three men are pretty ordinary fellows living and leading normal lives like many others in the world. They are all healthy, living in the UK, and carrying out fatherly duties. Unlike many fathers, they do not have their own biological children. These three men are the same as many other males in the world, but one difference that affects how the world views and behaves towards them is due largely because of their sexual preferences. These three fathers are gay. Not only are they gay, but they all now have their own families through the adoption system.
Jacobs, Alden, and Stuart all have already adopted children (sons), but they are not residing here in the United States; they are citizens of England. I discovered these three gentlemen as I researched and came across a video titled “Being a Gay Dad.” They were being interviewed, but in the video, the interviewer rarely speaks. The fathers are portrayed in the video to just speak on what they would like to talk about versus hearing the interviewer ask many questions. Now, in the United States, gay adoption is a very stifling and controversial issue just because many people believe that it is immoral and do not consider it a violation of civil rights. Instead, they believe it goes completely against tradition and pro-creation. To this day, only some states in the United States allow same-sex marriages, but not all, and another debate in America is the right for homosexuals to adopt as well. Now, with these three fathers, each individual’s story has a sense of awe and wonderment behind it.
Beginning with Peter Jacobs, he adopted his son and during the video they were doing a son-and-father photo shoot where he played with his son, carried him, and guided him during the photo shoot. He is not just “playing” the fatherly role; Jacobs is a real father to his adopted son. Jacobs shared that “[gay men and lesbians], unlike the common adults who adopt, do not have baggage or negative reasons as to why they would like to support a child.” He went into depth explaining they do not go to adopt in lieu of miscarriages or failed fertility treatments; women in relationships try the fertility treatments when they have not been successful in conceiving a child. Jacobs believes that homosexuals who are ready to adopt do not have a burdening heart like those women who try to restore it through adoption. He conveys that homosexual couples’ intentions are more pure and authentic (in lack of better words). Jacobs talks about how his family (his partner and their son) do not have much of a support system. There are no grandparents or aunts that can also tend to the child and be able to spoil him. He painfully describes that feeling of his son not having those other members of the family to also love him. However, he mentions that because his son is foreign to it due largely to never having such an experience, his son will not really understand what is absent. One of his last statements was that there is no evidence stating homosexual parents are worse than traditional parents. For a closing statement, I assume that perhaps he had been faced with the constant idea that homosexuals were worse parents than heterosexuals. That too is still a spurring idea in America today.
Simon Alden, introduced by the video with his name just on a black screen, began his interview by just sharing his experiences in the beginning with his adoption. He sits in a chair with a clean-shaven face and a multi-colored stripe collared shirt and talks about how he resides in a small village where his entire community has been very supportive of him and his efforts to adopt a child. Alden is very delighted to talk about his endeavors and his family and he displays it very well on his face. Alden seems to be joyous by the fact he has a family of his own-as if it was always something he dreamed of! Perhaps because he is already very open about the process and is accepted by his community, he seems more at ease during the interview. In a humorous manner, he explains how his village has made the process longer because every week they would ask “Well, how’s it coming?” and he would continuously and redundantly have to update them on the status. When asked about his fatherly role and what his son calls him, he goes into depth about how it came to be. His son calls him “Dad” and his partner, James, “Daddy.” He said that at school, his son would refer to them as Dad and Daddy, but those titles were never pronounced at home. Instead, his son used their first names at home, which Alden never minded or was against. One evening, when the three of them were having a meal at the table, Alden said that “[his son] just popped up and seemed to flow into the conversation that he automatically dropped out first names and just went straight into ‘Dad’ and ‘Daddy’.” Alden recollected this as though it was one of the first greatest memories they shared as a family unit. The next topic Aden goes into is the horrible backgrounds that most of the orphan children had. He believes that most of the experiences that these children face would be difficult for adults to even cope with, but because it seems natural to these children, they can deal with it fairly easy. He explains the hard part as being when the child is brought into an environment where he or she is loved and supported. Alden states that “the most important thing though is that they have two loving parents…to give them the cuddles, to give them the hugs, and when [the child does] something bad, [the parents] won’t overact but do the parenting.” The interviewer asked Alden whether he believes that orphans should have a mommy and a daddy. He definitely agreed and also said that because most of them will not have that, they (gay couples) are the next best thing. That response was beautiful and very full of endearment. Society should consider these things when options are not available for orphans, to always take in perspective the next best thing! America should be more accepting to this especially for the sake of children who do not have options!
The last father, Paul Stuart, looks as though he may be the oldest of the three fathers. His facial expressions are not as positive as the previous interviewee. He has more wrinkles, but when he mentions his family, a smile is brought upon his face. Oblivious to what he may have been prompted to answer by the interviewer, he began by talking about the prejudice he faced with the adoption system and by others by being homosexual. Stuarts speaks on how the law states to treat everyone the same and with respect, but he faces a lot of prejudice by individuals who he says “have trouble getting over the mindset that their values go against what they have to do in their [adoption] job.” He recollects on when he and his partner were visiting the home to finish the process and take home the two children they chose, and he vividly illustrates how the orphan boys were all gathered at the window, jumping at the glass as if they were puppies waiting anxiously to be petted and brought home. He then goes on to talk about the women in his life. He says “they aren’t what you would normally expect,” as he goes on to tell that he has an eighty-one year old woman as a neighbor who does not have much family of her own. They have sort of adopted each other as members of a family, and she being the grandmother figure. Because he has faced so much difficulty in his life and shares about his hardships of coming out, he wants to be an active member in his sons’ lives. He has been voted upon as governor for his children’s school by the parents, which he describes as a tremendous feeling. He feels as if he is definitely doing something right and is being a great role model in his sons’ lives and to their peers at school. It is so wonderful to listen to these stories because they all were able to accomplish their goals and be able to have their own family through determination and perseverance. That is not the theme of this essay, but it definitely adds that humane feeling.
In many prominent and powerful countries, society and order is everything. Here in the United States, values and rights are ideas that can strongly be held against each other or strongly bonded. Such as the value of standing for what one may believe in and having the right to protest or raise attention to that problem. That is an example of how a value and a right can coincide. Another value is that people should love everyone, unconditionally. If a homosexual wants to unite with another in marriage that is their right. However, most values and morals are religion based. With that being said, the legislation should not begin to justify why homosexuals cannot marry or should not be allowed to adopt children. I titled the essay this way because these fathers are heroes to the boys that they saved through the adoption process by giving them loving and supporting homes. Yet, they are still treated as if they are aliens and villains by society as a majority because of their sexual preferences and the prejudices they still face.
